I'm Batman! Shhh
by SophieDevereauxtoo
Summary: Alex goes looking for Parker but even she can't believe what Parker is up to.


"Parker? Are you here?" I get no answer. Her car is in the garage but that doesn't mean anything. She frequently 'acquires' other means of transportation when she is working. Still I'm a bit disappointed. I was in the mood for a quiet evening. Maybe a movie and some popcorn. Some wine. Some cuddles. The more I think about it, the more bummed I am that she's not here. I go looking for Nicky instead.

Nicky is busy on her computer. Starting this new shipping business has been more than a full time job for both of us. Neither of us being able to leave the state of New York is making things that much harder. We have to rely on Parker to travel to meet clients and, well, she's not exactly a people person. Even with a script, she always seems to do or say something strange. I've been putting together an argument to present to my parole officer and the state to try to get some of my travel restrictions lifted.

I come up behind Nicky and put my arms around her shoulders. "What'cha doing Hun?" I ask. She shrugs. "I've got this guy in California. He's wanting to contract with us on a series of shipments." "Well that's good." I tell her. "Yeah but we're going to need to send Parker to get signatures on all of this paperwork." I sigh. "I'll talk to her again." Nicky laughs. "Sure Alex. You do that. I'm sure it will make it all go right this time." I sigh again. "It's all I've got. Why don't you talk to her? This is your deal." She shakes her head. "C'mon Nicky! Hasn't this gone on long enough?" I get about the same reaction as I get from Parker when I bring up this 'feud' between the two of them, absolutely nothing.

Parker and Nicky have been at it pretty much since Nicky moved in. The whole living arrangement, me and Parker in one apartment, Nicky in an adjoining, it was Parker's idea in the first place. But then Nicky was her usual rude self and there was an incident with me and Nicky on the couch and, well, things have been a bit chilly since then. They tolerate each other, barely. Both of them say they're only doing this for me and sometimes I wonder if it's even worth it. But then I can't imagine not living with either of them. Parker, obviously, I won't ever let her go. I love Nicky too and she knows that. But if she pushes hard enough, I will kick her to the curb without hesitation to save my relationship with Parker. And so we live with this Cold War. I keep hoping that they'll come to some sort of peace. I keep trying anyway.

"Fine Nick. I'll take care of it. But you need to fix this. Just tell her you're sorry. Promise her that you won't ever let anything happen between us. She'll come around." Nicky shakes her head again and I sigh. "Whatever Nicky. You don't happen to know where she is do you?" "No idea" she says. "She was here when I came home. Babbling about being Superman. You know I don't understand her." I laugh. "I know Nick."

I leave her to her work and go back to my side of the apartment. I wander around, not really expecting to find Parker. She's probably working. Doing her thief stuff. Means I may not hear from her for days. Usually she tells me but I know that she sometimes takes last minute jobs, if they're interesting enough. The 'Superman' thing is curious. She wouldn't actually try to fly would she? I have a vision of Parker perched on the rail of the balcony in tights and a cape. No. She knows that's not real. Right? I shake my head, trying to clear it. Still I head to the bedroom to check the balcony and her favorite place, hanging off the side of the building.

Parker is nowhere in sight and I take a few minutes to stare out at the park and try to clear my mind of whacky things Parker might do. I glance down at the playground and something odd catches my attention. Usually, the playground is full of kids, running around, screaming, while their moms, dads and nannies sit on the benches and chat. Today, though there are plenty of people, no one is playing, no one is sitting. They all seem to be clumped together around one of the pieces of apparatus, staring at something. My curiosity is piqued.

I go back to Nicky. "Hey, something is going on in the park. You wanna come with me to check it out?" She shrugs and pushes her laptop back on the desk. "Sure. You think its Parker?" I laugh. "I didn't, but now I wonder." She laughs too. "If there's something weird going on, I would bet money Parker is involved." I am pretty sure I would never take that bet.

We head down to the street and across to the park. The crowd is starting to dissipate but there are still a good number standing and staring at something. I push through the crowd and my heart sinks to my feet. "Oh my God!" "What?" Nicky asks as she pushes her way to my side. She looks up and swears too. "Fuck Alex. What is she doing up there?" A lady standing next to me overhears and answers. "It's called Batmanning. It's a new crazy thing that kids are doing." My mouth is still open so Nicky speaks for me. "How long has she been up there?" The lady shrugs. "I'm not sure. I've been here at least 15 minutes and she hasn't moved." I hear Nick swear again under her breath.

I step forward to get a better look. Parker is indeed hanging upside down from the crossbar on the swing set. And it's not the cute little kiddy swings either. This one has to be at least 20 feet off the ground. She's hooked in only by her feet, her body rigid, hands at her sides and eyes closed. I want to yell up to her. I don't want to startle her and make her fall. I start talking very quietly. I know she is super sensitive to sounds when she's doing crap like this. "Parker….are you ok?" No answer. "Parker…" The lady from the crowd steps forward. "You know her?" I nod. "She's got to be insane." I nod again. "You know how she's going to get down from there?" I feel my heart sink again. Parker is hanging from the middle of the bar. She won't be able to reach any of the legs of the apparatus and I don't think physics is going to allow her to just reach up and grab the bar without moving her feet i.e. falling off and landing on her head. Now that I think about it, I can't figure out how she got there in the first place.

I try again. "Parker…" This time she opens her eyes and smiles. "Hi Alex!" I take a deep breath. "Parker, what are you doing?" "I'm Batmanning." "I can see that. Why?" She looks like she wants to shrug then thinks better of it. "I don't know. It looked like fun." I can hear the woman next to me start to say something and I wave her off. "Parker… do you have an exit plan?" She furrows her brow. It's not like Parker to not think these things all the way through. She's crazy but she's usually pretty hyper about safety measures.

"Parker…" "I'll figure something out." "That's not very comforting." She smiles at me again. Damn. Even upside down she's still the hottest woman I have ever seen. "Do you need help?" She thinks about that for a second. "Well, if someone could hold my feet I could just swing up." "And how do you propose we do that?" She doesn't answer. I can tell she's weighing different options. "Parker, how long can you stay there?" "My feet are starting to get tired but that's no big deal. Probably another hour or so." "Probably? Parker, I can't deal with this. You've got to figure this out. You need to come down off of there." "OK Alex" she says but she doesn't move except to close her eyes again. The lady next to me nudges me to say something more but I tell her that Parker is thinking now. We have no choice but to wait while she figures out the puzzle.

I feel someone come up behind me and put a hand on my shoulder. "Alex…?" "Yeah Nick?" "I can, um, I think I can get up there." I turn to her. "What?!" She nods. "I used to be pretty good at shimmying up poles. I can get to the top and then maybe I can hold her feet for her." "You would do that?" She gives me a look that tells me she's disappointed in me. "Of course I would. Parker is my friend. And she's your girlfriend. I can't let anything happen to her." I smile. "I didn't know you cared Nick." She smiles. "I don't but if something happens to her, you're going to be insufferable." "I love you too Nicky." She smiles. "So? What do you think?" "I think that it's up to Parker." "I'm Ok with that" comes a voice from above. "I guess it's you then" I tell Nick. She calls up to Parker, "can you hang out while I go change and get my tennies?" Parker smiles. "Of course." I look at Nicky and then move my chin towards the apartment building. Nicky smiles and takes off in a half jog towards the street.

Parker doesn't seem interested in discussing the situation any more so I sit on one of the swings and wait for Nicky. She comes running back in her shoes and tights. She grabs the pole nearest to Parker. "I hope I can still do this" she says. "What? I thought you said…" "I said I used to do it all the time. You know before boobs and stuff like that." I roll my eyes at her. "Just get up there please. I can't imagine her feet can hold out much longer." Nicky looks up then looks back at me. "Alex, what if I can't? How is she going to get down? What if I wasn't here?" I shrug. "I'm sure she's working on some sort of plan. Right Parker?" I say just a bit louder. "I'm working on it. And my feet are fine by the way." I hear a few spectators laugh. "Just get down here please." "OK" she says cheerfully.

Nicky stares at her for a few moments then grabs the leg of the swing set. "Here goes nothing" she says under her breath. I find myself holding mine. Slowly Nicky pulls herself up and wraps her legs around the pole. She reaches her hands higher and uses her feet on the pole to move up again. Slowly she inches up the pole until she reaches the corner of the cross bar where she hesitates. "Are you OK?" I call out. "Yeah. I'm just trying to figure out how to get up there." I feel my fingernails digging into my palms and try to relax. I am trying to show cool confidence on the outside while inside I am terrified and sick to my stomach.

Nicky moves her hands, one at a time to the crossbar and tries to pull herself up. I can't watch and have to close my eyes. If Nicky falls, I will never forgive myself. If Parker falls, well, I don't even want to think about that. When I look again, Nicky is sitting on top of the crossbar, her legs dangling. She's talking quietly to Parker. I can't hear what they are saying but they seem to be coming up with some sort of plan. Slowly Nicky slides herself along the bar until she is next to Parker. More conversation. Very slowly, Nicky puts her hand on one of Parker's feet. I can hear the growing crowd gasp. Parker hasn't moved and Nicky leans over her and puts her other hand on Parker's other foot. Another gasp from the crowd. Nicky is holding onto nothing but Parker's feet and awkwardly at that. If either of them lose their balance, they're both going to fall. I don't want to watch. I can't look away.

More conversation. Nicky slowly starts to shift her weight to her hands, pressing down with her body on Parker's feet, hopefully holding them tight to the bar. Parker slowly tests her grip by lifting her head. Satisfied that Nicky has her, she reaches up with her hands to the bar. As soon as she has a hold, Nicky lets up and Parker's feet swing down under her. The crowd gasps. My stomach feels sick. I blink and suddenly Nicky has her hands back on the bar. Parker is hanging by her hands, her feet dangling. She pulls herself up to sit next to Nicky. The crowd begins to applaud. My legs go weak and I have to sit down again before I fall.

Slowly the women slide themselves along the cross bar and down one of the legs. When they both have their feet on the ground, Nicky grabs Parker and whispers something in her ear. Parker says something back. I don't have any time to think about it. I move to them. "Thank you Nicky." She smiles. "Any time Alex" and she turns to walk back through the crowd where they all want to talk to her and shake her hand. I look at Parker. She's just standing and staring at me. She is perfectly calm, her face neutral, the complete opposite of how I feel. I want to grab her, shake her, try to make her understand what she did. I know it won't do me any good. I wrap my arms around her instead. "I am so happy you're OK Parker. I don't know what I would do if anything happened to you." I feel tears and I let them come. "Nothing is going to happen to me Alex" she says, her voice quiet and even. That just makes me angry. I let her go. "I can't believe you Parker! What were you thinking?" She opens her mouth to say something but I cut her off. All of the fear I have still inside me from this and every other time she's done stupid stuff comes out. I don't want to yell at her. I know it's going to make her run but I can't help it. "I was so scared! You do stupid stuff like this and it scares the shit out of me and you don't even get it!" Her eyes start darting around. She's looking for a way to escape but the crowd still surrounds us and her fear of them is even stronger than it is of me. "You think hanging from things is OK but it's not! It's crazy! Normal people don't do that! You go and do it without even thinking of how you're going to get down! What were you going to do Parker? What?"

She wants to answer me but I don't let her. I still feel sick inside. I want her to get this. "Fuck Parker! I love you! Don't you get it? I am nothing without you! If you fell, if you don't…" I can't finish. She gently touches her hand to my cheek. Very quietly she says, "I'm sorry Alex. I didn't know. I didn't think about it. It's normal to me. It's what I do. But I can see how that scares you. I will try OK? I mean I probably will still do stupid stuff but maybe not as much. I'll use ropes. I don't want you to be scared. I don't want you to be mad. Are you still mad? I don't want you to be mad. I love you too Alex." I lean my head into her hand. "I'm not mad Parker. I was scared. Parker, you don't understand how much I love you. How much I need you." She smiles. "I do understand Alex. Are we OK? Can we have make up sex now?"

I laugh. The fear and sickness start to go away, replaced by my love and desire for her. "Yeah" I whisper as I move my face closer to hers. "I think we should probably do that. I need to feel you next to me." She kisses me gently. "I need that too."

We walk hand in hand back towards the apartment. I quietly ask her, "did you have a plan?" She shrugs. "I would have thought of something." "I'm sure you would have. Why did you even try that in the first place?" "I saw it on the internet. It looked like fun." I raise my eyebrows at her. We have very different ideas of what is fun. "Why didn't you do it some place safer? Until you had it all figured out?" She looks at me. "I did." "What?" She nods. "Yeah. I didn't want to do it off the building first." "Fuck" I say under my breath. She gives me one of her looks but doesn't say anything.

Inside the apartment, I pin her to the door and kiss her. She starts to melt into me when we are interrupted by Nicky. "Sorry" she says. "I just wanted to make sure you were both OK." Parker smiles at her. "We're good. Thanks Nicky." Nicky smiles back. "Good. Now you two go do what you're going to do so Alex can get back out here and make some dinner. I'm starving." "Um OK" Parker says and starts kissing me again. I start to walk her towards the bedroom. "So you and Nicky? You're OK now?" Parker smiles at me. "Of course we're OK. We're friends now." I shake my head. I don't understand but I don't want to think about it anymore. There's only one thing I want and she's got her arms wrapped around me and her mouth on mine.

Don't try this at home kids. Parker is what we call an 'expert'.

Technology/batmanning-buzzy-phenonmenon-purdue-university-zealand/story?id=14457418


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